Thursday, 27 December 2012

My Angel...

He walked away from me after a decade of relationship. He was a part of my life and he made me what I am today. He was my first love and my dreams.  He was my World and I wanted to be everything for him.

But he walked away from me; silently. He didn’t give reasons for moving away and I was feeling too fragile to ask for one. I cried until tears dried. Sleep became a distant dream and reveries became a routine. Incidentally, all the reveries were filled with his smiles and those dazzling eyes. I searched for his love, but I failed miserably.

Days passed by. So did innumerous weeks and month. In a wink, years also passed by. He graduated to be a mere memory, yet his memories never faded.

Professional life started flourishing. And it was in my office I saw him for the first time. Friendship flickered instantly and I enjoyed the camaraderie.

As we got to know more and more, I realized that we were different as individuals. He thought a lot before acting and professionalism never left him. For the strangest of strangest reasons, I always observed that he was different towards me. He was younger than I was and that further acted as a comfortable cushion.

Eventually, our intimacy started building. The more intimate we became, more arguments erupted. His actions would hurt me, yet I was always attracted towards him. May be like a moth that was always attracted towards fire. I really don’t know. But, I knew that I loved him leaps and bonds. Was it the differences or was it the intimacy? Was it the hunger for love or, my selfish urge to get out of my first love?

I pondered into myself. But, I never found the answer. As I started observing the newfound relationship, I understood that innocence of first love was never there. The maturity of a seasoned love was also not there. But what prevailed was a rare colligation. After all, there is no expectation or commitment. No promises are made and no dreams are shown. There is nothing so serious that could break the brittle heart.

I am just moving with the flow, expecting nothing but friendship. Yes, I am expecting nothing except love. I am not searching the lost love. I am only trying to enjoy the present. I am unconcerned about the future and unworried about the outcome.

I don’t know what name I can give for this strange unison. Is it love or friendship, I don’t know. Is he a reflection of what I am not or is it the other way round. All I know is that he is an Angel who holds my hands. He helps me fall in love with life all over again. He is indeed a dear Angel, who shouts and looses temper very easily. Oh yeah! Still he is a dear Angel. Every time when he flashes his million dollar smile, I would see a ray of hope that flickers in the sky! 

As a part of Carry on Tuesday

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