Saturday, 12 April 2014

Kissed by Insecurity

Nothing in this world is permanent; neither the people nor the circumstances. Everything just flows as if there are no hurdle; no barriers.

Life is like a river. It passes through ups and downs. Kisses flowers and thrones... Becomes dirty and may also lose its original sheen. Yet it moves. It keeps moving until it unifies with death – like the river that merges with the mighty ocean.

May be that’s why they say, till the death part us!

But, they also say that death is not the end. It is the beginning of a new life, in a new form. May be death will take us to people with whom we always wanted to be with. Death might help us escape from the mundane and absurd life that we were leading.

As I think deeper, I realize that fear of death has never caressed me. Instead I have always been shackled by insecurity. I know, nothing is permanent and that we are like rivers running towards the final destiny. I also know that permanency is an illusion and not a reality. Yet I feel insecure.

Insecure about people... work... circumstances... relationships... and at times even myself!

When insecurity takes me over, I stare at the vacuum and wonder does everybody feel the same like I do. I wonder if insecurity creeps within each one of us; each one of you.

If you say yes, the insecure-uncertain-confused human being would feel overjoyed!
But if you say no, the ardent thinker, the in-depth-analyser, the philosopher, the-writer-with-a-self-proclaimed crazy mind would be happy!

I count the person I am and the writer within as two different contradicting characters because most of the times I write about what-if than what-is...

Well, same here.

I had read somewhere that writing your heart and thoughts out would bring clarity.
In my case, it is leading to post after post... and the pondering continues...

Is it for an eternity, I wonder. I shudder!


  1. well, "yes" i guess everybody is insecure in one way or other (or so everyone feels deep within).. doesnt matter single or engaged, doesnt matter poor or the most rich, doesnt matter sick or healthy, doesnt matter in bad times or the merriest, "everyone" has a sense of insecurity about something (no matter how trivial it could be for others from their point of view)..

    as you rightly said "it just flows through" and never stops at any node for sure..
    the "what-if" alter ego blogger you have in you is perhaps what you fantasize to be despite the actual you, gives/gets a reality check.. I unwillingly empathize with you and I do frequently get into fight with my idealistic alter-ego and do get disappointed with people, things, state of being at times and it does creep me out if things will ever change, but ironically its that alter-ego which gives me "hope", gives me energy and makes me feel the flowers more and thorns less while I flow with a sense of satisfaction.. and then i realize that its actually the so-called more logical thinking me which is creeping me out and its the other me which pacifies me & strengthens me with hope..

    confusing?? then you know you are not the only one..

    not sure if my alter-ego made it sound logical :)

    1. Hey Kannappa, I am really happy that you agreed that you feel insecure too... That you have an alter ego too who will requently get into fight with your idealistic alter-ego...

      And I was not really confused reading what you have written... Instead I empathise and I feel glad...

      So, cheers!

      PS: You seem to be a good writer yourself... very expressive...
      Do you blog?

    2. haha thanks for the kind words Satya.. :) I actually dont blog.. I am not so good at writing.. the blog somehow poked my heart and I felt like speaking (if not puking) my heart out..

      I'm crazy :)

    3. Then I have to tell you that I feel honoured... And I also found out your newly born blog!

    4. haha.. guilty as charged.. just a reluctant attempt to blog.. :)

    5. No... That was really good... Looking forward to read more!